Part 11 - A little bit about me
December 29th 2006 12:13
I was born in the 1920s in New Zealand. Shortly after my birth both of my parents died and I was sent to Australia to live with my aunt in Queensland. The next decade or so was boring.
Then there was the war. While a great many things happened in the world during the Second World War, nothing much happened to me, I am happy to say.
With the end of the war in 1945 I decided I had become a woman and went in search of an education before taking on the world. My aunt was displeased.
I bought tickets on a train to take me south. I was first to try Brisbane and if there was nothing for me there I’d continue my journey.
“You are supposed to be seeking and finding a husband!” my aunt called to me as the train wheezed its way along the platform.”
“Never!” I shouted to her. “Modern women will realise that they are as good as any man, can do their jobs just as well and can live without them chained to their hearts!”
I was a little ahead of my time.
My aunt shouted something back to me. I didn’t catch any of it except for the last word, “Hell!” Knowing my aunt she was telling me I was either going to burn in hell or the city was the incarnation of hell. I cared not for either of her expectations of my future and discarding her words I sat back in my seat and enjoyed the view as cane fields turned into suburbs. The city had arrived!
A brief stint in Brisbane left me fearing I was pregnant and gave me reason to move on. A quick doctor’s visit in Sydney left me slightly better educated on the fundamentals of procreation and proved to me that, even though I’d proclaimed my womanhood, I was still a child in many ways. It also left me greatly relieved to know that I was not pregnant and still the proud owner of one beautifully boxed Virginity.
I felt that I should find someone to take me under their wing. An older, wiser, woman of the world, someone who could teach me the bits and pieces my aunt had left out. Then when I felt I was ready again I would seek an education and take on the world.
The woman with the wing turned out to be a barmaid called Myrtle. Her husband had left her his hotel and she ran it with a cast iron fry-pan. Anyone who stepped out of line got the fry-pan to the back of their head, highly illegal now days, of course.
She had a sign up, ‘room, board and worldly education in return for kitchen duties and bar work’.
She was wonderful. I learnt how to cook and clean and pour a good beer.
“All the skills you’ll need to catch a good husband,” she said.
“Oh, no, I don’t want a husband. I’m a career girl. I want to take on the world.”
Myrtle was a big woman and she looked down at me from over the top of her large breasts and sighed, “I guess I should introduce you to my sister, Margaret.”
In her youth Margaret had spent some time travelling Asia. She married young to a diplomatic type. Her husband called her ‘sweetie’ and she called him ‘daddy’ (he liked it that way).
While he was off being diplomatic, she was indulging her interests in the martial arts.
One day her husband was particularly un-diplomatic in the court of a great emperor and Margaret was forced accompany his body on its return to Australia.
With the advent of the war she realised women were going to have to learn to take care of themselves and opened up a small martial arts school in the back of her house in Glebe.
It was in this little house that I spent months and years studying self-defence. By the time I’d learnt all of Margaret’s secrets I was able to kill a man just by bending his little finger backwards.
The 1940s were over; the 1950s had begun. Now I was truly a woman and ready to take on the world.
Margaret still had a few connections in government circles and managed to get me a secretarial job in the Ministry of the Exterior.
“Why a job as a secretary?” I asked. “I know how to clean and cook and pour a good beer. I know how to kill a man by bending back his little finger but I have no idea how to operate a typewriter!”
Margaret understood my frustration and put her arm around me. While her sister Myrtle had been enormous, Margaret was like a sparrow and her arm barely reached halfway across my back.
“Jane, this is not an ordinary Ministry. Your special skills will be of great value to them, trust me,” I could tell by the glint in her eye that this was the beginning of something big.
Then there was the war. While a great many things happened in the world during the Second World War, nothing much happened to me, I am happy to say.
With the end of the war in 1945 I decided I had become a woman and went in search of an education before taking on the world. My aunt was displeased.
I bought tickets on a train to take me south. I was first to try Brisbane and if there was nothing for me there I’d continue my journey.
“You are supposed to be seeking and finding a husband!” my aunt called to me as the train wheezed its way along the platform.”
“Never!” I shouted to her. “Modern women will realise that they are as good as any man, can do their jobs just as well and can live without them chained to their hearts!”
I was a little ahead of my time.
My aunt shouted something back to me. I didn’t catch any of it except for the last word, “Hell!” Knowing my aunt she was telling me I was either going to burn in hell or the city was the incarnation of hell. I cared not for either of her expectations of my future and discarding her words I sat back in my seat and enjoyed the view as cane fields turned into suburbs. The city had arrived!
A brief stint in Brisbane left me fearing I was pregnant and gave me reason to move on. A quick doctor’s visit in Sydney left me slightly better educated on the fundamentals of procreation and proved to me that, even though I’d proclaimed my womanhood, I was still a child in many ways. It also left me greatly relieved to know that I was not pregnant and still the proud owner of one beautifully boxed Virginity.
I felt that I should find someone to take me under their wing. An older, wiser, woman of the world, someone who could teach me the bits and pieces my aunt had left out. Then when I felt I was ready again I would seek an education and take on the world.
The woman with the wing turned out to be a barmaid called Myrtle. Her husband had left her his hotel and she ran it with a cast iron fry-pan. Anyone who stepped out of line got the fry-pan to the back of their head, highly illegal now days, of course.
She had a sign up, ‘room, board and worldly education in return for kitchen duties and bar work’.
She was wonderful. I learnt how to cook and clean and pour a good beer.
“All the skills you’ll need to catch a good husband,” she said.
“Oh, no, I don’t want a husband. I’m a career girl. I want to take on the world.”
Myrtle was a big woman and she looked down at me from over the top of her large breasts and sighed, “I guess I should introduce you to my sister, Margaret.”
In her youth Margaret had spent some time travelling Asia. She married young to a diplomatic type. Her husband called her ‘sweetie’ and she called him ‘daddy’ (he liked it that way).
While he was off being diplomatic, she was indulging her interests in the martial arts.
One day her husband was particularly un-diplomatic in the court of a great emperor and Margaret was forced accompany his body on its return to Australia.
With the advent of the war she realised women were going to have to learn to take care of themselves and opened up a small martial arts school in the back of her house in Glebe.
It was in this little house that I spent months and years studying self-defence. By the time I’d learnt all of Margaret’s secrets I was able to kill a man just by bending his little finger backwards.
The 1940s were over; the 1950s had begun. Now I was truly a woman and ready to take on the world.
Margaret still had a few connections in government circles and managed to get me a secretarial job in the Ministry of the Exterior.
“Why a job as a secretary?” I asked. “I know how to clean and cook and pour a good beer. I know how to kill a man by bending back his little finger but I have no idea how to operate a typewriter!”
Margaret understood my frustration and put her arm around me. While her sister Myrtle had been enormous, Margaret was like a sparrow and her arm barely reached halfway across my back.
“Jane, this is not an ordinary Ministry. Your special skills will be of great value to them, trust me,” I could tell by the glint in her eye that this was the beginning of something big.
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Comment by katyzzz
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I just absolutely loved it, it was a great laugh.
We're all a bit short of time here so don't feel hurt by any lack of responses, perceived or otherwise.
From one, just a little younger,
katyzzz