Part 13 - I look just fine
January 2nd 2007 10:04
My God! What is it?”‘ exclaimed Bert looking down at the wide eyed Re. “Is it man or is it woman?”
“Well I’m not really…” I stammered.
“What could have made such a dysfunctional creature?” He looked at me and continued, “Here we are, scanning the skies in search of extra terrestrial life, Jane and we find crazy mixed up creatures such as this in our own back yard.
“Somehow I don’t think this is your Cat Burglaress. Just some mixed up weirdo wandering the streets at night. Get him, or her, out of my cells and back to The Cross where it belongs.” He put on his hat and walked to the lift. “Make sure you fill in a police report so the minister knows exactly how his funds are being wasted on wild goose chases on behalf of the police.”
“Yes sir,” I waited for the lift doors to close behind Bert before looking back to my prisoner. I’d never before come across a cross dresser.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“I’m Re,” said Re. “Where am I?” He stood-up and walked the cell, only a little unsteady on those platform shoes. His make-up seemed untouched. It was most unusual considering he’d spent the night and most of the day unconscious in a small prison cell.
“Are you a man or a woman?” I was fascinated to find out. Now that I looked at Re I could see telltale signs that weren’t totally feminine. There was a hint of stubble to the chin that hadn’t been there the night before, the shoulders were broader than you’d expect, the hips a little narrower.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in a cell at the Ministry of the Exterior,” I said. I could clearly see an Adam’s-Apple bobbing up and down on his throat.
“How did I get here?”
“I arrested you. I’m sorry, I thought you were a criminal I’d been trailing, but I was mistaken. Let me get the keys and I’ll have you out of there in a jiffy.” I jumped up and ran to my desk.
“Thankyou,” he said. “How long have I been here?”
“Just a day, we would have released you sooner but we didn’t realise you were a man until you spoke.”
“You didn’t realise I was a man?” he looked perplexed.
“Well, you know, the hair and make-up and all. I really am embarrassed. I’m so sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” he said, though he still seemed somewhat confused.
I returned to the cell and unlocked the door. “Please, come out.” Re stepped from the cell and stretched.
“I’m so hungry,” he said. “Where are my friends?”
“I don’t know. You were alone when I found you.”
“Oh yes,” he remembered. “They were still inside. Probably don’t’ even know I’ve gone yet. You see I was bored and decided to go exploring,” He rubbed the back of his head. “Ow, what’s this lump?”
“I’m sorry; that’s my fault. I hit you on the head to disable you. I didn’t want a struggle. It wasn’t intentional. There’s a form you can fill-out if you wish to make a complaint. I’m sure the police will compensate you appropriately for any repairs and medical costs.” I ushered him to a seat. He leant on me as we walked.
We sat at the desk across from each other. “So, do you want to fill in a police report? I’m sure they won’t ask many questions.”
“What questions won’t they ask?”
“Well, you know, about your clothes, hair and so on. What you were doing there. I don’t think it’s illegal to for a man to dress up as a woman but it really is unusual.”
“What? I’m not dressed up as a woman!”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I am not! I am wearing the absolute height of men’s fashion."
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am! At least, it was when I left home.”
I rummaged through my handbag, “I’m sorry, what did you say your name was, Re?” he nodded. “Mr Re, I think someone has played a terrible practical joke on you.” I found my powder case, opened it and handed it to him so he could see the mirror. “You should take a look at yourself.”
He looked in the mirror, first up at his hair, then his face. He stood up and looked up and down his body. Then he gave me a quizzical look, “What are you talking about? I look just fine.”
“Well I’m not really…” I stammered.
“What could have made such a dysfunctional creature?” He looked at me and continued, “Here we are, scanning the skies in search of extra terrestrial life, Jane and we find crazy mixed up creatures such as this in our own back yard.
“Somehow I don’t think this is your Cat Burglaress. Just some mixed up weirdo wandering the streets at night. Get him, or her, out of my cells and back to The Cross where it belongs.” He put on his hat and walked to the lift. “Make sure you fill in a police report so the minister knows exactly how his funds are being wasted on wild goose chases on behalf of the police.”
“Yes sir,” I waited for the lift doors to close behind Bert before looking back to my prisoner. I’d never before come across a cross dresser.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“I’m Re,” said Re. “Where am I?” He stood-up and walked the cell, only a little unsteady on those platform shoes. His make-up seemed untouched. It was most unusual considering he’d spent the night and most of the day unconscious in a small prison cell.
“Are you a man or a woman?” I was fascinated to find out. Now that I looked at Re I could see telltale signs that weren’t totally feminine. There was a hint of stubble to the chin that hadn’t been there the night before, the shoulders were broader than you’d expect, the hips a little narrower.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in a cell at the Ministry of the Exterior,” I said. I could clearly see an Adam’s-Apple bobbing up and down on his throat.
“How did I get here?”
“I arrested you. I’m sorry, I thought you were a criminal I’d been trailing, but I was mistaken. Let me get the keys and I’ll have you out of there in a jiffy.” I jumped up and ran to my desk.
“Thankyou,” he said. “How long have I been here?”
“Just a day, we would have released you sooner but we didn’t realise you were a man until you spoke.”
“You didn’t realise I was a man?” he looked perplexed.
“Well, you know, the hair and make-up and all. I really am embarrassed. I’m so sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” he said, though he still seemed somewhat confused.
I returned to the cell and unlocked the door. “Please, come out.” Re stepped from the cell and stretched.
“I’m so hungry,” he said. “Where are my friends?”
“I don’t know. You were alone when I found you.”
“Oh yes,” he remembered. “They were still inside. Probably don’t’ even know I’ve gone yet. You see I was bored and decided to go exploring,” He rubbed the back of his head. “Ow, what’s this lump?”
“I’m sorry; that’s my fault. I hit you on the head to disable you. I didn’t want a struggle. It wasn’t intentional. There’s a form you can fill-out if you wish to make a complaint. I’m sure the police will compensate you appropriately for any repairs and medical costs.” I ushered him to a seat. He leant on me as we walked.
We sat at the desk across from each other. “So, do you want to fill in a police report? I’m sure they won’t ask many questions.”
“What questions won’t they ask?”
“Well, you know, about your clothes, hair and so on. What you were doing there. I don’t think it’s illegal to for a man to dress up as a woman but it really is unusual.”
“What? I’m not dressed up as a woman!”
“Yes you are.”
“No, I am not! I am wearing the absolute height of men’s fashion."
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am! At least, it was when I left home.”
I rummaged through my handbag, “I’m sorry, what did you say your name was, Re?” he nodded. “Mr Re, I think someone has played a terrible practical joke on you.” I found my powder case, opened it and handed it to him so he could see the mirror. “You should take a look at yourself.”
He looked in the mirror, first up at his hair, then his face. He stood up and looked up and down his body. Then he gave me a quizzical look, “What are you talking about? I look just fine.”
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