Part 12 - The Cat Burglaress
January 1st 2007 02:15
I looked at Re's body, slumped on the ground. He was a little unusual for 1956. He had long auburn hair piled up in a bee-hive style. His face was beautifully made up, though his lips did seem to be a little big. He wore a sequined electric blue jumpsuit and black platform stilettos, a style that wasn’t to come into fashion for another decade and a half. No wonder I mistook him for a woman.
I picked him up and carried him to my car. He was heavier than he looked. When he was safely strapped into the front passenger seat I gunned the motor and drove for the Department of the Exterior’s secret headquarters.
The entrance to our office was through a secret tunnel near the Botanical Gardens. The tunnel lead to a basement garage and a lift from the garage went directly to our offices on the top floor of the old Department of Lands building in Bridge Street. From under the copper domes of this ageing sandstone building we directed our operations in the search for extra terrestrial life. We were in the middle of the city, under everyone’s noses and completely invisible.
At the time I found Re I hadn’t expected him to be an alien. I had been on the hunt for the city’s famous Cat Burglaress.
Our department had been seconded into the crime fighting game due to our lack of success in the alien finding game. To keep our funding for our research we had been directed to help reduce the city’s crim-wave. The police force was having trouble keeping up with the criminals.
I felt certain that this jumpsuited woman I’d spied coming out of her hiding spot behind the Petersham water tower was the law breaker I’d been trying to catch for nearly a week. I had no idea she was a man from another galaxy.
“What have you got?” asked Larry, the cell attendant at The Department’s headquarters as I staggered out of the lift, carrying Re across my shoulders.
“I think it’s the Cat Burglaress. We need to lock her up and find her identity.” I carried Re to the nearest cell and lay him down on the small bunk.
“Looks more like someone from one of those variety shows,” said Larry. Larry wasn’t all that interested in people. His job for the department was to review data from the observatory and listen to radio signals from space. He rarely had the time to look at another person. Having to take night duty minding the criminals in our makeshift cells was an insult to his intellect. But after a while he started to enjoy the job. We didn’t catch many criminals and working at night gave him a lot of time to sift through his endless pages of data.
Re was my first successful catch and I didn’t really know what to do. Protocol said I was to call the police and arrange a handover as soon as possible. I didn’t want to put all the hard work in without getting some of the credit, so I decided to wait for my catch to wake-up so I could interrogate her, then I would hand her over.
I got myself some coffee, pulled up a chair and waited outside the cell for my criminal stir.
Sixteen hours later and she was still unconscious. I began to worry that I’d hit her too hard and had caused some permanent damage. Fearing I might get into trouble I removed the second brick from my handbag.
The office filled with the day-time staff. There were other agents like me, some administrators, and our director. The noise level grew, the tea-lady came and went, came and went, and the office emptied again as night time returned.
On his way out Bert, the director of The Ministry, stopped for a chat.
“You know, you could just let her go,” he said. “We’re not here to pander to the inadequacies of the police.”
“But we have to help them or we’ll lose our funding,” I was shocked at Bert, a stalwart of Rule Book, suggesting such a thing.
“Well, yes, we have to help, but we don’t really have to catch anyone. We don’t have a quota you know. All we have to do is make an effort, show ourselves and make the police feel like we’ve helped them along. You’ve done your bit Jane. Get the woman to a hospital before she comes around and tell the police where to find her.”
“But I caught her, I should interrogate her.”
“Not this time. You are trained for bigger and better things. I don’t want you getting caught up in all of this crime nonsense. We have a hard enough job to do as it is, without you being distracted by this police work. You’ve spent a week making an effort. Give her up and get some sleep. I’ve got strange lights over the harbour and I need you to investigate. Remember, Jane, I’m your boss.”
“Yes, sir, you’re right.”
“I always am Jane. I always am.”
I was about to say goodnight to him when my prisoner awoke with a scream.
“Aaaaaaagh! Where am I?” she yelled with an oddly masculine voice.
I picked him up and carried him to my car. He was heavier than he looked. When he was safely strapped into the front passenger seat I gunned the motor and drove for the Department of the Exterior’s secret headquarters.
The entrance to our office was through a secret tunnel near the Botanical Gardens. The tunnel lead to a basement garage and a lift from the garage went directly to our offices on the top floor of the old Department of Lands building in Bridge Street. From under the copper domes of this ageing sandstone building we directed our operations in the search for extra terrestrial life. We were in the middle of the city, under everyone’s noses and completely invisible.
At the time I found Re I hadn’t expected him to be an alien. I had been on the hunt for the city’s famous Cat Burglaress.
Our department had been seconded into the crime fighting game due to our lack of success in the alien finding game. To keep our funding for our research we had been directed to help reduce the city’s crim-wave. The police force was having trouble keeping up with the criminals.
I felt certain that this jumpsuited woman I’d spied coming out of her hiding spot behind the Petersham water tower was the law breaker I’d been trying to catch for nearly a week. I had no idea she was a man from another galaxy.
“What have you got?” asked Larry, the cell attendant at The Department’s headquarters as I staggered out of the lift, carrying Re across my shoulders.
“I think it’s the Cat Burglaress. We need to lock her up and find her identity.” I carried Re to the nearest cell and lay him down on the small bunk.
“Looks more like someone from one of those variety shows,” said Larry. Larry wasn’t all that interested in people. His job for the department was to review data from the observatory and listen to radio signals from space. He rarely had the time to look at another person. Having to take night duty minding the criminals in our makeshift cells was an insult to his intellect. But after a while he started to enjoy the job. We didn’t catch many criminals and working at night gave him a lot of time to sift through his endless pages of data.
Re was my first successful catch and I didn’t really know what to do. Protocol said I was to call the police and arrange a handover as soon as possible. I didn’t want to put all the hard work in without getting some of the credit, so I decided to wait for my catch to wake-up so I could interrogate her, then I would hand her over.
I got myself some coffee, pulled up a chair and waited outside the cell for my criminal stir.
-o0o-
Sixteen hours later and she was still unconscious. I began to worry that I’d hit her too hard and had caused some permanent damage. Fearing I might get into trouble I removed the second brick from my handbag.
The office filled with the day-time staff. There were other agents like me, some administrators, and our director. The noise level grew, the tea-lady came and went, came and went, and the office emptied again as night time returned.
On his way out Bert, the director of The Ministry, stopped for a chat.
“You know, you could just let her go,” he said. “We’re not here to pander to the inadequacies of the police.”
“But we have to help them or we’ll lose our funding,” I was shocked at Bert, a stalwart of Rule Book, suggesting such a thing.
“Well, yes, we have to help, but we don’t really have to catch anyone. We don’t have a quota you know. All we have to do is make an effort, show ourselves and make the police feel like we’ve helped them along. You’ve done your bit Jane. Get the woman to a hospital before she comes around and tell the police where to find her.”
“But I caught her, I should interrogate her.”
“Not this time. You are trained for bigger and better things. I don’t want you getting caught up in all of this crime nonsense. We have a hard enough job to do as it is, without you being distracted by this police work. You’ve spent a week making an effort. Give her up and get some sleep. I’ve got strange lights over the harbour and I need you to investigate. Remember, Jane, I’m your boss.”
“Yes, sir, you’re right.”
“I always am Jane. I always am.”
I was about to say goodnight to him when my prisoner awoke with a scream.
“Aaaaaaagh! Where am I?” she yelled with an oddly masculine voice.
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